Women Were NOT Born with the Instinct to Attack One Another on Social Media

The social media world has been stirring up allllll sorts of emotions in me lately. I’d say it started with anger, and it’s shifted into something that feels completely empowering. I’m sure I’m not the only person on social media that has noticed all sorts of hatred. And not so much from male to female (which obviously, still exists); but more so in the form from female to female. Woman to woman. The sort of hatred that makes you stare at your phone while cringing and questioning, “what the fuck is going on here?”

Lemme tell y’all something.  We weren’t born with the instinct to attack other women. We weren’t born with an innate “need” to shame other women for how they look: whether they’re too fat, too thin, too tall, too short, their hair isn’t long enough, their hair is TOO long, what the hell are they wearing?, they’re not good enough. We were not born with this level of judgement. We weren’t born with the ability to acknowledge such [superficial] aspects of a person.

Why? Because they don’t actually matter. THEY. DON’T. MATTER.

We were TAUGHT to judge other women based on these things. The organizations that are thriving and profitable off of our expenses to “better ourselves” have delivered us message after message about what it means for a woman to be viewed as beautiful. The male gaze itself has led us to believe that we must look a certain way in order to be deemed accepted, attractive, and worthy. And women THEMSELVES have perpetuated the verbal attacks against one another. And in order to receive attention, we’ve been under the false assumption that we must FIRST put down the woman next to us through verbal attacks.

Where did we go wrong? Social media allows for anonymity – to a certain extent. I still see you. I see you shielded behind your phone as you deliver hateful remarks against another woman. I see you behind that lit up screen, firmly believing that if another woman goes to bed hurt and shamed tonight, then perhaps your insecurities will be absolved.

And I feel for you. I see you sending hateful remarks, and I still totally feel for you. Because you too, are probably a victim of this sort of body shaming or appearance shaming that is EVERYWHERE on social media today.

It’s never made sense to me, in all honesty. How sending verbal attacks can possibly do anything positive for you OR the other individual.

Really though: what. are. you. trying. to. accomplish.

Help me understand.

Is it feeling better in your own skin? I can think of a dozen more ways to reach a greater sense of self-love that don’t include shaming another woman. Is it because you just simply don’t like the way another woman looks? Keep that shit to yourself. No, we’re not required to love the aesthetic appearance of EVERY individual – but by all means, what’s the good in voicing it?

So here’s a shout out to you.

YEAH, you. You’re a fucking babe because of your ability to be real with yourself and with others. Because you snort when you laugh. Because you get a stain on your shirt literally every time you eat, but it doesn’t matter because you enjoyed the crap out of your food. Because you aren’t afraid to advocate for what you believe in. Because you’re intelligent as shit. Because you enjoy the hell out of life, and it shows.

You’re a fucking babe because you lift other woman up. Because you do things that fulfill you every single day, regardless of any judgments. Because you aren’t afraid to do something that scares the living hell out of you. Because you speak your mind, even if it is met with disagreement or disapproval. Because you respect and value yourself. Because you’re vulnerable and aren’t scared to let that show.

You. Are a fucking babe.

And so I can’t help but wonder: what would happen if we EMPOWERED other women, versus using every chance on social media to bring them down?

What would life be like if we looked at women for all of the other THOUSAND things that they bring to our world, other than their appearance?




Nicole works as a life and wellness coach through Nicole Leigh Coaching (www.nicolenessLPC.com) Nicole strives to empower women with similar struggles to redefine and re-identify themselves, separate from their eating disorder. Through her work, she empowers women to use balance in every aspect of life to maintain lifelong recovery. When Nicole isn't blogging or counseling, she loves spending her time traveling, eating burgers, and surrounding herself with positive people.